The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
