Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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