Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
