Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
