When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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