My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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