awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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