I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My balls are so social today.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
