My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
