So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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