goodnight i made you a song goodbye
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
