somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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