I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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