biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
