..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
