She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
