Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
