she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
