Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
