I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
