my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I AM VODKA MAN
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
