dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
