i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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