Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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