How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I am one with the molecules
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
