Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
