I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So much rum. So many feels.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
