just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
