when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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