the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
