Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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