I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
PANTIES FOUND
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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