do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
that's an acceptable place to lick
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
