fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
