i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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