Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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