Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
