There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
