I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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