im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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