Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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