Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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