Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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