Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
