then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize