I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
