Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
