Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
