She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
