Cold hands, warm shart.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
