I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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