That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
