you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
