Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
