a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
