And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
